Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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