I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
