it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's always time for handjobs
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
