I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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