She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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