you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this just has baby written all over it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
