oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize