Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
