I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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