I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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