Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
