It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
