I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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