loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
please come you make the beer taste better
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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