dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
