In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
