You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
