So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
