I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
