Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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