I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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