I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize