i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
