Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
