she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
