tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
