Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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