My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
