i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ladies don't puke and tell
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
