I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
