You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
