i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
