Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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