I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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