Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
