Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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