you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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