Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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