Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
