Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
