he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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