I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I need to stop coming to work sober
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
