If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
