fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I see more hoeing in ur future
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
