Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize