so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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