come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
