literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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