no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
