Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
