He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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