and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can I color on your dick again?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
