if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
