Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
