I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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