i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
