mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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