Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
