Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
