my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
