when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
