did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
