I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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