Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
