I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
