Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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