A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
