Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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