dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
