just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
