sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize