I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
