Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
