Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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