Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
