At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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