Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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