never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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