The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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