you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
