Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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