The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
