just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
