The maid of honor just puked.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize