is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
