Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Are we still banned from the library?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
