You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
