My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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