You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
