but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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