Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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