Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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