I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize