i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
