Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
